Reader Question: Do I really have to shoot my friend now?
Travis asks:
I think my friend may be infected. Should I try to organize an intervention or just go ahead and put a few bullets in the brain?
Also, can I get your blog in paperback form? Kind of a survival guide for post-zombiepocalypse humanity.
I’m going to err on the side of caution here and warn you of the dangers of shooting your friend if she isn’t a zombie. Like, jail. Or me getting in trouble for advocating such drastic measures. So, step one is determining if she’s actually a zombie or if she’s just being a bitch. Here are some good ways to tell the difference:
1) Is she chewing on you? Has she always chewed on you, or is this a new development?
2) Is any part of her rotting and/or dripping intestines?
3) Can she speak to you in a sensical manner? Could she ever? If she’s slurring: is she just drunk?
You can email me specific symptoms if they weren’t covered here. The point is, if she’s exhibiting signs of humanity, you probably shouldn’t murder her. On the other hand, if you witnessed her being bitten, or strongly suspect that she’s about to start growling and scratching through those handcuffs you slapped on her, SHOOT HER IN THE FACE. Do not hesitate. This is the mistake people always make. You do NOT want to wait until there’s bitemarks on your arm.
I agree; I should have a book. Do you know any publishers, Travis?
