Deafness During the Zombocalypse

An anonymous reader asks:

Hey, I’m deaf and sometimes I think about zombies attacking and what I might do in that situation. I¬†was wondering about your thoughts on deaf people during a zombie attack. Just wanted to know what an zombiolinguist such as yourself would have to say on the subject?

Zombiolinguist, I like that! And look, I can be the first one without even having to go back to school for another expensive degree.

This is such a great question, and something that’s been really fun for me to puzzle over because I’ve never thought of it before. In zombie movies, everyone is a strong, young, healthy, super hot, educated person. They never show what would happen to someone with a disability. (Screenwriters, take note: this would be a great movie!)

So to start… I think you know I’m going to say this, but you’re obviously going to be at a bit of a disadvantage because a human’s #1 weapon during a zombie attack is their 5 non-deteriorating senses. If you can’t hear a horde of zombies coming, you’ll have to rely on other things to keep you safe. That said, my suggestions for you aren’t so different than for anyone else. Stay with a group. Take turns sleeping. Create a safe house. Don’t be an idiot.

If you do happen to get separated from your buddies, have a backup plan. Sure, your backup plan might be a rendezvous with your final bullet, but it’s better than the alternative. I’d suggest, you know, a hidden helicopter or something, but we all do what we can.

Here’s the plus side. Psychologically speaking, I bet you’re going to have a much easier time surviving than any of your fully-aware counterparts. You’ll have the luxury of blocking out the chaos (as long as it’s not in front of your face) – something they won’t even be able to do in their sleep. Considering 75% of human deaths during the zombocalypse are caused by regular old humans snapping and becoming a danger to themselves and others, an evolutionary predisposition for staying sane will suit you well.

And before anyone asks: yes, if you become a zombie you still won’t be able to hear.

4 Responses to Deafness During the Zombocalypse

  1. Leonardo says:

    The anonymous should get one of those portable movement/sound detectors and work something out. Zombies are usually slow so…

  2. Pingback: Multilinguals in the zombocalypse | Don't Eat My Brain

  3. keefus1 says:

    you have advantages and disadvantages you have stronger senses since your brain doesnt have to work that hard to make all your senses work though hearing is an important sence so you have to be more carefull in some situations and less careful in some other situations but still be carefull

  4. whoah this blog is fantastic i like reading your articles.
    Stay up the good work! You understand, many people are looking round for this info, you can help them greatly.

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